Dolphins work out how to use tablets

Humanity is doomed

Researchers from Rockefeller University, Hunter College and the National Aquarium in Baltimore created a giant, eight foot touchscreen, with a bunch of “dolphin-friendly” apps, and the dolphins worked out how to use it.

Biophysicist Marcelo Magnasco says that it was an elegant solution that was absolutely safe for the dolphins, but it has been incredibly rewarding to work with the amazing creatures and see their reactions to its system.

“It has always been hard to keep up with dolphins, they are so smart; a fully interactive and programmable system will help us follow them in any direction they take us.”

Rockefeller University professor Diana Reiss hoped this technologically-sophisticated touchscreen “will be enriching for the dolphins and also enrich our science by opening a window into the dolphin mind. Giving dolphins increased choice and control allows them to show us reflections of their way of thinking and may help us decode their vocal communication”.

It was also nice to find a creature that actually had a use for a tablet while the rest of the world has given up on them. While Apple is desperate to find new markets for its iPads, it is totally uninterested in giant sea mammals which lack opposable thumbs because they don’t have money. Mind you the tests are proving that the dolphins are far too intelligent to buy Apple gear.

Unfortunately giving tools to creatures bright enough to use them is probably not a good idea. The human race has enough on its plate with global warming and North Korea without worrying about a dolphin uprising.